"THE ONLY RELATIONSHIP YOU SHOULD ALWAYS - FIRST - CARE ABOUT, IS THE RELATIONSHIP YOU HAVE WITH YOURSELF, BECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE WITH YOURSELF." - Diane Von Furstenberg.
From 14 to 24, without even knowing it, I have struggled and led an inner battle (not to say a war) to discover, accept and fully embrace who I am, today. Finding out who I was, what I really loved, what I wanted from life, and where I wanted to go (...) Simple questions with though answers, someone once made me realized I never thought about. And it hit me.
The odd part is that the situations I always found myself maturing, growing and learning more about myself from, were heartbreaking relationships - I thought I didn't deserve for what I see now as meaningless reasons, such as not finding myself pretty enough, good enough, or simply deserving (...) but that was before I became fully aware of my worth - and potential.
Believe it or not, I have always been shy to be openly "out there" - scared to be on the front row, afraid of the look of others upon me and my actions - and this until not so long ago. Because I didn't want to portray imperfection and show how vulnerable I was (...) for having flaws, making mistakes, and all other things finally just so...human.
I do not clearly remember what pulled the trigger, but from the day I faced and accepted that I could (and that it was okay to) mess up, not have all the answers, not look like everyone else, and make the work I needed to do on myself a priority, it changed everything.
Looking at the mirror and facing the truths that I was avoiding for so long freed me in a way I could have never imagined - how an unexisting father/daughter relationship motivating wrong relationships choices for too long, a lack of confidence pushing me to hide behind layers, a fear of failing resulting on procrastination (...) I won't lie, the list was long. So I wrote down all of the things I wanted to better in my life, all the changes I wanted to see in myself, and the means I had at that time to make it happen.
A HEALTHY SPIRIT IN A HEALTHY BODY.
I started with the enveloppe. I remember that day my friend Mike (who happened to be a personal coach) came over to my place : we were randomly chatting, and I ended up telling him about how I wasn't feeling good about my body, tired and unpretty. Funny enough, I was grabbing Haagen Dazs from the freezer while complaining about my overweight. He looked at me and said : "This is never going to help (...) It may make you feel good for a moment, but it won't last : and it's up to you to do something about what you don't like. Starting now." I threw 7 euros of ice cream in the garb that day and subscribed to the closest gym.
One step at the time, changes started occurring. From January 2013 to now, I lost 28lbs (=13 kgs), and getting a healthier shape impacted on - every single - aspect of my life. I strongly felt better about myself, started being more productive, and as encouraging it was, positive thinking was the only thing in my mind.
I believe we've all asked ourselves once why some things in our life didn't work, why we can't manage to get it all together, or why we end up stuck at a turning point when we'd really like to move forward, and I won't take it to spirituality, but I think every single act we place - when in harmony with who we truly are - results on leading to who we're suppose to become. Indeed, it is impossible to build over a house with no proper foundations, the same way we can never be fulfilled without suppressing, changing and filling what needs to be first.
This journey to what we call self-acceptance starts when we acknowledge that we don't seem to know much about ourselves. Our personality finds it suddenly difficult to answer questions like "Who am I?" "What do I want?" - and describing ourselves at a job interview for instance, can suddenly feel excruciating and practically impossible when we haven't really been paying attention.
But the day we do, it's an epiphany.
"I am not perfect, but I am not any less worthy" - that I now remind myself when in doubt - for there's nothing that can break me.